Meetings are the worst, aren’t they? They often feel aimless, provide us with little value, and a different agenda can be found under every rock we turn over.
One on ones are no different. It begins as an opportunity for us to connect with our boss, but in the end we leave the meeting with more work to do and often overwhelmed.
They don’t have to suck though. The truth is that people invest little time into intentionally crafting effective meetings, and that it doubly true for one on ones. What a disservice! Pound for pound, one on ones deliver more ROI than any other meeting, and they offer a unique space to build trust and develop our people.
So today let’s talk about improving one on ones.
Begin by Resetting Expectations.
If we’re looking for a status update on a piece of work, we can find our people any time during the workday. And while the work is important so are our people so put the work aside when it comes time for one on ones. Here’s one way to reset that expectation.
"I'll find you outside of these meetings when I have questions about the work so I'd like to make this conversation about you. I'm curious what drives you, what motivates you, and where you want to be a year from now. And I really want to know how to help you get there. To that end, I'll leave it to you to figure out what we talk about when we meet. Just make it about you and not about the work. Know though that intend to keep you accountable to the things important to you, and I'd like to help you shape what that is."
Start Simply.
Start a one on one with this question:
What’s on your mind?
That’s it. Let them take it from there. Some people–myself included–like to reflect a bit before a one on ones so I have a habit as a leader to jot down one word talking points on an index card. Many of my reports have picked up this same habit and show up with their own index card of topics.
Over time I’ve found another use for that index card. As we wrap, I’ll ask them to flip it over and write what they intend to do from our conversation before our next one on one. It’ll be a topic of conversation for when next we meet.
However, let’s remember they drive the agenda, not us. Allow them the space to talk through whatever is on their minds before we begin walking through our own list of topics.
Periodically Adjust the Environment.
Are we all tired of taking one on ones in the same place every single time we meet? I am. Changing the environment changes the perspective, tone, or can shift the conversation in other meaningful ways. Try something different with someone this week:
- Sit down to coffee.
- Get lunch.
- Get out of the office. Walk and talk.
- For remote calls, take it from a different room. Or on the patio where there’s sunshine.
- Also for remote calls, make it a phone call as each roams their neighborhoods.
Know Your Role.
One of the responsibilities of higher leaders is to grow new leaders, and that’s not done with giving our people all the answers. It done through asking our people the right questions. So stop being an answer generator. Ask questions instead so they can arrive at their own conclusions.
We can do this by knowing what role we’re playing:
- I’m telling them the answer as an expert. I know how best to solve this since it’s a known quantity. Use this modality as little as possible. No more than 10% of the time.
- I’m answering their questions as a mentor. I’m digging for context, providing them with how I’ve solved this situation, and checking in later to ask how they chose to solve it. Use this modality 40 to 60% of the time.
- I’m questioning their answers as a coach. I’m helping them view their situation from multiple perspective. I’m mirroring, reframing, and ultimately I’m letting them arrive at their own answer. Use this modality 40 to 60% of the time.
Check in with ourselves often. Are we playing the chosen role because it’s what our people need? Or because it’s what we prefer? If in doubt for which hat to wear, ask the report, “Would you like me to answer as a coach or a mentor right now?”
Never Cancel Them.
How many of us had something important to talk about with our managers only to have it cancelled at the last minute? I’ll be the first to raise my hand. Don’t be that manager. We already get so little time with our people so never cancel a one one one, if it can be avoided.
Our people matter to us so ensure that time slot remains sacred. If that’s not possible, find a more reliable day and time to meet. And if we do have to cancel or move, apologize and remind them of how this time is important to us and why.
And how often should we have our one on ones? My typical advise is no less than 30 minutes every other week. Your mileage may vary.
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